Daniel Baldwin's Blog

Addiction Gotta Be Genetic

2009-01-13T12:09:00.000-08:00

Look how pathetic my brother is. Click here. In his own way he's trying to relate to me.

Sorry Y'all

2008-10-16T03:08:00.001-07:00

What can I say? I'm sorry. Oh no wait i'm not. See, deebs was doing fairly well. I was happy, my digestion was working properly, I was getting regular and frequent blowjobs, I was WORKING.

BUT, I am feeling like a piece of shit. A dog has taken a dump in my mouth in the middle of the night... and I'm feeling the itch to bitch. Love you all. It's another Alec weekend this weekend. Hopefully we'll snuggle and listen to Devotchka again, like in the old days and weep. But seriously, Alec and I will be hitting up some fall harvest festivals. Eastern Seaboard BEWARE!

Kisses and Farts,
Deebs

I am on twitter now

2008-10-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

http://twitter.com/danielbaldwin

"Daniel's the outlaw" -Alec

2008-09-03T17:24:00.000-07:00

Oh god Alec, you did it now. If anyone wants PROOF--absolute PROOF that Alec is just as much as a baby as me, PLEASE (I URGE YOU DEEPLY) read the latest issue of the New Yorker. There is an interview with my big bro called "Why Me?" Fucking classic Alec from fuckin word one to the very last.

Update:

Here's the link to the article from the web site of The New Yorker magazine. Click here.

Good Lord, Alec

2008-09-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

Jesus Alec. I finally figured out bluetooth. Here's the fuckin reason I make so much fun of Alec. He still was like "Hey! This was 2 blocks from my Bikram Yoga class!" He's always such a cock like that.

Civility Is Important

2008-08-31T17:42:00.000-07:00

Blogger: Daniel Baldwin's Blog - Create PostSo I had a great time with the brothers last weekend. It was hilarious, etc. Alec is quite the home maker. He wears this yellow apron and makes hor' dourves. Yes, Alec has become quite the chef. Shit this text

is italicized and I cant get the fucking italics off. This is so annoying. I'm gonna just post it. i don't have nothin to say. I'm watching season 5 of the wire. Don't even feel like blogging.....

Fake Contest

2008-08-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend I'm bringing my family to Alec's place. Stephen is also coming with his family. We're having a family reunion (minus Ma and Billy.) It should be some fun, non-high, family fun. I'm sure Alec will do something to piss me off causing high levels of jealousy and which will threaten me to call Interpol. My wife is like "I don't think Alec ties his own shoes." So it should be interesting. I hear he's hired a cook for the weekend. We'll see!!!!! Stephen said he is making me a present. This should be good. It's probably a pair of underwear, knowing him. The whole weekend will be a fake contest. Don't mean that at all. Just mean that siblings together without their Ma is bound to be interesting.

God Dammit

2008-08-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

It's friday and usually gets me harder than a penny in the hand of a begger but I just feel all WEIRD today. I was watching the X-Files for 4 hours last night -- catching up on my netflix queue and it had a detritus-like effect on my sleep schedule, which is already quite awful. Every night I wake up at 3 in the morning and I'm like "Ok. Now what?" And I sort of try to get back to sleep and then I sometimes surf the net, then I start to worry about things I can't control. Then I pee. Then I get back in bed and say "Deebs, you can't control any of that. Don't think. Fall asleep. You're too old to be getting up at 5 am like MA." So i clear my mind and by 4 am I usually am able to sleep.

But last night, the X-files infiltrated my brain. I woke up at 3 am, per usual. Went through the motions: tossing and turning, net surfing, worry, peeing, tried to control and relax myself. Then I started to fall back asleep. I'm thinking "This is great! It's working!" And then my A.C. starts making weird noises. I can feel its electricity filling and vibrating the room. It doesn't occur to me that this is a "dream" or a "waking dream" -- wherein what's really happening in the room enters the dream. I feel the whole room vibrate. Then I look up and its an alien who looks like Power Ranger --- only with an alien shaped head --- enters the room, stands over me. I think "I can not die like this." But no, this alien is not trying to harm me.

The alien was kind and tender. I never got a look at its face, but think motorcycle and metal.

Eventually, when it was over I realized that my hands were not full but empty. My brain had created the whole thing.

No more Crystal Lite and X-files before bedtime!

yeah, this blog is still pissing me off. It was a pity about Kars. Never really got into his character, knew whether he was real, or paid much attention to his Youtube vids. (I hate youtube vids) I also don't appreciate people telling me "look what happens when you tell stories about your drug days." You people don't know shit about my drug days. I tell these stories, they get a rise, a laugh. Who fucking cares? I do what I do. Sometimes you'll relate sometimes you won't. Did I molest 3 aliens in my sleep last night? I don't know. It felt pretty real but I just don't know and my asshole doesn't hurt or burn or sting or stink. Did I ruin Ryan's 20s? PROBABLY. Do i hold myself responsible for people who do drugs after they read this blog? NO. My message is solid: I am against the use of cocaine, meth, heroin, alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs, legal or not. But am I having fun reliving the glory days? Yeah. So go shit in your own toilets. Don't shit in mine.

love,

deebs

The Full Moon Isn't Till Next Weekend

2008-08-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

Why was everyone so freaky on the blog over the weekend. i don't post for a week and everyone starts hurting each other's feelings. I just don't like it. I don't want to have this blog anymore. If this is how it's going to be, i don't want this blog anymore.

For the record, I love everyone and just want you to get along. Fine be silly, fine joke around but please don't insult one another. I can take a lesson from that book as well.

Here's a picture of interspecies cute animals kissing. Can't we all get along like they do?

Ryan E-Communicado

2008-08-04T17:47:00.000-07:00

God I fuckin miss Ryan like hell. I got an e-communique from him today it made my day. He reminded me of this really weird thing that happened to us. Just to remind everyone, Ryan was a simple student who I relentlessly dogged and tempted into being as big of a cokehead and drunk as myself. Ryan went under the radar for many many years (faked his own death -- hence chip-on-Deebs'-shoulder #123), and finally emerged from his own coke-laced ashes a shiny new Phoenix. Above all, Ry-guy loves basketball, and beyond that, he has a perennial hardon for ... Michael Jordan.

I mean, it got to the point during the cross country trip Ryan, Mariano, and I did from Chicago to LA, where Mariano would give me "the eye" and we'd pull off into a rest stop. Mariano would take all of Ry-Guy's coke and he'd switch it up with baking power cuz Ry would get so fuckin blitzed he'd come up to us and go "Louuuuu da lou." And we'd know he would want to loup da loop all over the fucking roadhouse shitters. I drew my line there. Ry would come out with his own vomit dripping down his lip, the yellow stink of YAYO in his hair, his nails, his nose. He was a fucking mess.

I turned to Mariano, who had found solace in the unerring gaze of a blonde white woman behind the counter of the Burger King. I said, "Dude, Ry is out of control. Let's get a flight in Lincoln."

He wouldn't look at me either. He was looking at the woman. I'd lost both of them.

"Listen, you're going to drop me in Lincoln. I've always wanted to check it out. They have an airport. I haven't talked to Alec in three days."

That's when Mariano started paying attention. Thank god that blonde picked her nose or I might still be in that fucking rest stop.

"We just left Chicago yesterday. Don't be a fag," he said. "Where's Ryan?"

"Where the fuck do you think Ryan is? He's bent over the toilet mixing cocaine with toothpaste. He thinks he's in jail."

"God dammit."

We carried Ryan out of there. We'd fucked the whole thing up. We were too hopped up on blondes and booze we never made the fucking coke/baking powder switcheroo. This is a matter of contention which has figured prominantly in our friendship. I think we BOTH made the switch, thereby crossing out each others' gains. Mariano thinks we both flaked, too hopped up on women and booze and the sound of our own dicks against our own hands. However, there is the third possibility: Ryan heard us talking about it and did the switch himself. We'll never know. Ryan is a vault. God I miss him.

Alec and Me Watching the Departed

2008-08-01T07:16:00.001-07:00

So last night Alec is all "Fuck you. We're watching the departed." I shuffled out of my bedroom in my fave bathrobe and boxers. Alec is dressed to the nine's per usual. he took the copy of Miami Blues that I'd netflixed and sticks it into my paper shredder. I said "I was watching that." And he goes, "Piece of shit period piece." And puts The Departed into the DVD Player.
I tell him "I have the body aches." He looks at me "fuckin get your ass to Bikram Yoga on Saturday. You'll feel like a million bucks. You'll feel like ME." Meanwhile, Alec was actually thin in Miami Blues (I watched that much to know that that's the real reason for the shredder)
I grabbed an orange from the kitchen. Come back and he's freeze framed it on this scene where Damon is with the real estate agent looking at his condo and he has such a hardon for the view of the state capitol he looks like he has down's syndrome, his tongue bulging like a short boy cock.

So I says to him "What the fuck?" But we laughed our butts off freezing it and rewinding and stopping it in slow motion. Alec always makes me feel better.

Then watched his scenes. I don't really have much to say about the scenes themselves, but Alec LOVES watching his own work. It's kind of sick. He also gave a 30 minute monologue about "working with Wahlberg." I wish I had recorded it. It was hilarious and amazing.

anyway, I'm feeling much better. Got a little sleep. That was nice. I'm up early. the wifey made some shitty coffee it tastes like tea. Oh Wait! IT IS TEA! HAHAHAHHAHAHHA

Thursday, July 31, 2008

2008-07-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

I don't even know what to say about the fucking comments here. I can't even grasp the meaning of the Netherlands presence. I can't grasp the vise-like grip that everyone has on me. I don't understand why people think I'm so cute, interesting. I don't know why this blog is popular. It's just me writing my days, making my own days. When I can comment I do, when I can't I won't. Additionally, I would like to say that I can't be responsible for anything that happens. Sometimes my words keep people sober, and sometimes they don't. This is not my fault. I am one man with one large problem.

Today and yesterday have been terrible days. My heart has turned into a piece of brillo and I feel angry, confused, and I am not reacting to things in a rational manner. Just the other day, I was dealing with some Russians on a job, and I just started yelling at them in a very UN-Deebsy fashion.

Today I've been taking things out on friends, family. I simply simply can't can't see the forest for the trees. I want to start drinking. I want a drink. Can anyone understand this?

Had to go for a checkup at the hospital, that's where me doctor is. And.... seeing the distended bodies, joints, tatoos shit out of shape, the fucked up human bodies. The fuckin wheelcheers, their eyes. Look a hassid in the eye when he pumps 10 miles an hour down a corridor on arm braces, his likeness to a crab resonating in yer ears. Look at a little boy... a boy with spit drooling down his chin. Look at a bloody eyed elderly man buying a coffee whose eyes are bleeding. Bleeding. And still he takes his time to get exact change. The meth heads sitting on the corner shaking legs and chainsmoking and biting their gums. The flipping humanity of it, the pointlessness of it just makes me want to lie down. Lie down where I stand. I can't eat. I can't think, and I definitely haven't had a shit in 2 days. I am a weak man. Lord, lay me down here. Give me something to look forward to because I simply don't know.

Tell me. I dare you to lie to me that there is something more. What is there? What is there? "GOD"? I doubt it. All there is is what you see in the mirror and the brillo pad where my heart should be. I got broken.

Someone. Tell me that this. That this is not just rhetoric....me, convincing myself to give up

Would-Be Mitchum

2008-07-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

yeah so I forgot to wear deoderant today. Boy, can you say "Crimes Against Humanity"? I thought I had the routine down: jerk off, shower, jerk off, shower, deoderant, clothes, sniff pits, consider asking wife to sniff crotch, go to work. But I fucked it up. I skipped everything from that second shower onward. Good lord I want a beer. The thing is I have no desire to shower. I'm too busy.

Alec and I watched the Departed. I don't have the energy to describe the experience. I'll get to it over the weekend. I have to go tend to my child.

Love,
Deebs

P.S., Does anyone here read Stephen King?

One Thing. One Thing

2008-07-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

Before I head out of town for the weekend to go whitewater rafting and canoeing, I want to tell you one thing:

Life always comes back to listening to Radiohead and weeping. Just does. Don't know why. Just does.

Good Lord, WTF?

2008-07-22T16:19:00.000-07:00

Um, I don't know how things got so crazy around here in the comments section. Is there a full moon or something? Let's just get back to basics for a little bit. I know that deep in everyone's heart, everyone wants me to stay sober and everyone wants everyone who reads (and is sober) to stay sober. And everyone who isn't ready, or is a KID, will figure out their shit when the time comes. Yes, sometimes people DO treat me like I'm their titty-baby and I get away with more shit from yizz-all's than I do from Alec and the others. But I'm ok with that. You all kind of just accept me for me. And I love you all for that. I think the downward spiral began when I started telling a few "war stories" about my days partying it up hardcore. It acted as an invitation to everyone to get freaky and post Youtube Vids, which is fine. I should be checking this blog more frequently. I'm a fucking adult (supposedly). But I need everyone to understand that Deebers is very busy. I am, in fact, a working actor. And I, in fact, have lots of obligations. I love this blog and I love every minute of you, and you, and you and you.

BUT, the thing is, Deebs also has a family, a job, and is in charge of recycling. So i do my best. I try. Please don't be mad at me if I can't post as often as I used to. I had sort of been slacking, oddly enough, at the end of the myspace days and I really made it Priority 1 (or let's be honest, 8) in my life to get this blog here in our new digs at Blogger in good working order. And then.. this thing happened.

Well, as you know, Ma lives in Long Island. She and "the girls" (her best friends) who have a little clique. It's like my aunts and all the bffs from that high school circle that they have, friends from Ma's charity work. They love to take the LIRR into "The City" and have "girl's night."

Sometimes when Ma does this, she stays in a hotel in the city, or some other friend. In Ma's travels (I believe she was seeing some "Broadway Show"... I won't name it or every one of you will be flying to NYC to see it and there are some brand names I can not support.... And Ma takes the subway with "the girls."

I get a call at three in the morning, which means it's like 7 am in NY (or something. I don't fucking know time zone shit to be honest. I just call MA when I call MA and I call Alec when I call Alec.) And Ma goes, "DANNY!!!!!!! LOOK AT THE SUBWAY!"
"MA? Are you drunk?"
"DANNY! ALEC'S ON THE SUBWAY!"
I run out of bed (and I have no bottoms on--thank GOD my child is an infant) and run to the TV in the living room. I put on CNN. I open the computer, my hands shanking thinking "GOD DAMN NIT IT ALEC JUMPED IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, I WILL FUCKING TEAR HIS CORPSE TO SHREDS!"

"MA I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"
"DANIEL!!"
"MAA! IS ALEC ALIVE! FUCKING SPEAK WOMAN!"
"Daniel Leroy Baldwin! Do NOT talk to your mother that way!"
"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Daniel. Alec is on a LOVELY subway poster. It's for his work with the We Care charity!"
"OH MA! DO you have any idea how much i'm going to kill you! It's 3 in the morning here!"
"Oh daniel! i"m sorry!"
"I'ts all right ma. I fucking don't even have any bottoms on."
"Daniel! Put some bottoms on. What's wrong with you! That's indecent exposure!"
"MAAAAAA! I'm HOME!!!!!!!!"
"Thank god. Why are you up so late?"
"MA. Ma. ma. It's three in the morning. You called me. I didn't call you. You called me about a fucking SUBWAY POSTER WITH ALEC. I WAS ASLEEEEEPP MAAAAAA!"
"Oh daniel! I'm sorry! Go back to sleep. Call me when you get up!"
"Ok ma. Um, one more thing?"
"Yes dear?"
"Could you.... mail me a camera phone pic of Alec's new subway ad?"
"Of course daniel."

The Sniffles

2008-07-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am excited that everyone has been so actively commenting to my posts. It's been a delight reading them all. I have the sniffles today. I think it's my allergies acting up or something. I'm just sniffling through the day, napping occasionally, reading, crying, and then picknig myself up again. Billy comes over and sees that ma had send me a basket that included dark chocolate raisinets and he just eats them all and leaves. Seems i wasn't entertaining enough for him. Also, lest you think that I am against Croc shoes, I should probably mention that the wife got me a pair and I often wear them while walking around and running errands.

Having dinner with a few compatriots (actors and producers) this evening at a fancy restaurant. The diet is going well, I've shed the asses that had grown on my ass, and the beer gut that had grown on top of my beer gut and am feeling quite prancy, light, and dancy.

Later this week, Alec is coming over and we're watching the Departed togehter. I mean, I've seen the movie a few times and it's good and everything but I feel like... kind a weird about it because he wants basically to talk about how much better he is than Wahlberg for like hours. He's Alec! Of course he's better than Wahlburg. But this is about Wahlberg being from Boston and Alec being from NY and nailing the boston thing better than a bostonian. Tevs Alec. Tevs. But he was really good about the bikram shit last week so I'll humor him. Its so funny to me how insecure he gets. He's amazing. He's highly respected. But still, he needs that doted-upon attention. I figure I'll buy the Departed Tuesday so i'll have it for his visit.

Got a call from Ryan. He found the blog and flipped with glee. I wish he'd post though. I have a suspicion that he's one of the horde of anonymous-es.

Have a great Sunday. Sunday is fun day.

Love,
Deebs

Tempted

2008-07-10T13:34:00.000-07:00

when I am tempted to do blow or ecstasy or drink, what happens is my whole body feels it. I become jittery and my knee starts moving and shaking a little and then a lot. I become nervous, snappy. i find it helpful to do breathing exercises and some (not much) Bikram Yoga, where they pump the temps in the fucking yoga studio up to 100 degrees. By the end, there's so much bullshit happening in your body you feel drunk as shit. Come home, throw on Quantum Leap, and you're in for the night. Sometimes throw a little hard metal music on. You're good to go.

Also, when I'm feeling the itch (or the dick hard for it) I fuckin stop answering my phone. Then my friends and Family know that I'm fucking in for it. Alec is always like "Time For Reverand Bikram!" and he shows up out of nowhere wearing ball-hugging sweats and wearing Crocs sandals. He's such a fucking pussy.

For the love of god

2008-07-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs to calm down. You all don't need to get so upset about various levels or unlikely people commenting on me blog. I mean, come all people. Just becuase someone is on the mend and doesn't sound like the rest of ya, doesn't mean you all have to attack em. I mean, look at me, I tell you about coke, coke off nuts, coke ON nuts. I mean, i'm not real example. THe only thing I can say about myself is that i'm currently sober. Other parts of my life are a mess.

There was this one time I was on a three week bender in a hotel room with a member of Cinderella (the band). I won't tell you which one it was but it was sick what we wre doing. We were freebasing which we preferred because it would have us good in 5 seconds. Can't beat that. We're fucking out of our gourds an all the sudden the phone rings. I ignore it. The phone rings. I ignore it. The phone rings. I pick it up. My mouth was all cottony. I made that noise with my mouth the mouth makes when its cotton. Sort of a smakcing sound.

"Turn on channel 27." (alec)
I smacked my lips
"Shut the fuck up. Turn to 27."

I turn to 27. And my head is like a new born baby's head it just rolls around like and I fucking can't find the remote. I go up to the tv. My head has now rolled and my chin has smacked against my collar bone.

"Two-Seven. " i think.
I hit 2.
Nature shit.
I hit 7.
A commercial for Mr. Clean.
"mmmmmmm"
I hit 2-7 very fast
Which was not very fast but still within the retarded time limit that televisions force you to key in your channel.
Alec's face. Glengarry was on TV. He's so fucking full of himself, he has to call SOMEONE.
I crawl over back toward the phone. My jaw was clenched in a cocaine blaze.
"IM TAKING AN ARTLESSONCALL YOUBACK."

I am unable to process what Ma and my brother put me through yesterday. Fucking jokes the both of them.

Love Deebs

I'm Back

2008-07-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm with Ma. She just made me some mint iced tea. But it's not ready yet. I'm like standing over the stove and i'm like "Can i have this already?" And ma is like "Well, if you want WARM iced tea, go ahead. People do that I suppose." Ma is all proud because she's growing mint in her garden, along with strawberries, cucumbers, and other shit like tomatoes. What can i say, Ma has a green thumb.

I'm taking it easy this weekend. Just relaxing with the fam, get some reading done. I got all these books I gots to finish and brush up on. As a sober, seriously considered B-List actor, lots of people want to work with me and this means I need my A-Game. So I have retreated to the estate of Ma and I am taking lots of quiet walks with dogs, sleeping late, and reading.

But of course Ma gets me all riled up by making mint iced tea. Last time i had fresh mint it was when me, Tom Skerritt, Stephen, and Pauly Shore was painting the town red. Stephen goes, "I feel like a MOJITO." So we go into a strip club (like Scores but less classy), get some ladies to surround us and I fucking pull out a loaf of bread. I always would keep a loaf of bread in my duffel because you never know when you're going to fuckin go to a bar and they don't serve food. I pull out this loaf of Oatmeal bread, which, before the whole wheat bread kick, I would love oatmeal bread. Ma is always like "Eat Oatmeal! It's good for your Daniel Leroy!" And i'm like "Ma I can't eat this. I can't eat more than 1 single tablespoon it makes me sick." And then Alec sits down and eats TWO BOWLS and looks at me like that and then wonders why I grab his head in a headlock and kick him a hair's length from the balls. Right next to the nuts, fear. Fear. Fear. Fear does it. SO, I fuckin pull out my fuckin oatmeal bread. I hand one slice to Skerritt, who is a real firebreather sometimes. I mean look at him, you can tell. He keeps it all inside. Don't ever go drinkin with him . THen i hand 2 slices to Stephen. THen I hand a slice to Shore. Then i take a slice and go Jesus. I fucking say "This is my body. Take it and eat from it. It is the food of the new and everlasting covanent. It was shed from the fucking Oatmeal bread bag for you and for all so that we may drink as much as we fucking want. Ring-A-Ling-A-Ding-Who-Wants-to-Snort-Coke-First-You-Or-ME?"

SO we eat the bread to put something in our stomachs. THen I fucking had 20 mojitos, the fucking mint had barely been crushed and I choked a little on it. Pauly Shore had to do the Heimlich on all of us-- i mean we weren't ALL choking but he did the heimlich anyway. Then some stripper sucked me off in the men's room and I did a little blow. But then again, when DIDN'T I do a little blow. That night wasn't that fun to be honest but it was the last time I ever had mint. I have some bad associations. If Ma's iced tea EVER cools off. Oh wait . that was Ma. SHe tried to offer me LEMONY iced tea. Is she kidding? Nice try with the Snapple switch. Saw that a mile away.

Happy Fourth,
Deebs.

P.S., Thanks for all the comments on that last post. I felt encouraged. I know everyone is in pain right now. I am too. We all feel to be the Atlas upon whom the whole weight of the world rests sometimes. But we need to start drinking less caffeine. I sometimes just want to never get out of bed, but I'm an insomniac lately so getting out of bed has been a relief. I just lie in bed at night sometimes and think MY GOD HOW MEANINGLESS. But then I get up again. I get up again. I get up again. God damn it ma. I'm on a god damned diet! Stop pushing cured meats in my face. For the love of god. If that woman weren't my MA........................

Hot as Hell, Maybe in Hell

2008-06-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm too depressed to shower. My a.c. is on, but I'm here alone and I know most reasonable people would take a shower, but I can't be bothered. Let's list the steps involved. And then we'll agree that the whole process is exhausting. First I'd have to find a new pair of underwear, then I'd have to go into the bathroom. I mean those are the main two steps to getting to the shower. Then there's the shower itself. And there are so many god damned shampoos. I can't. I just can't. Last night I took a sleeping pill because I just wanted the day to end. I'm in an undisclosed city right now and I was invited to a birthday party. The directions were thorough but deebs thought he'd be clever and make himself a map and shit. And what google maps doesn't tell you is that sometimes google maps is wrong. And it will fuck up your whole night. So i was wearing these flip flops, dead skin just flaking. It had just stopped raining. So i am texting furiously to tell the whole fucking world that I was lost (whether they were going to the party or not) and I fucking slipped on the sidewalk due to a wet leaf. At that point I actually turned around and started to just head home. But then that is the same voice that sometimes says "JUST HAVE A LITTLE COKE. ALEC WON'T FIND OUT." But then I realized that it was my giving up voice. And I pushed it down brushed off my knees and made it to the party. But I was up so late, when i got home i was all wound up from taking silly camera phone pictures with some of my fave b-list actors.

So i've been in a bit of a coma all day. It's hot as hell. I am miserable. But it's days like this that are designed to test me.

I'm glad to hear that myspace misses me. I miss it too. It was so much easier to use myspace. I liked seeing peoples' pictures as they left me comments. And who is this "anonymous" person? I wish people would just show who they are. Anonymous is the coward's way out.

Shit-lebrity

2008-06-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

One thing I know about myself is that I do not own a critical mind. Mine is a creative mind. This leads to a lot of tears and a lot of mistakes. For example, on Sunday I started out wearing one of my fave t-shirts. And then I changed in order to look good for Alec and his girlfriend who came over for tea and watermelon and other fruits. So today I get home and i needed to change out of my monkey suit so I change back into my fave t-shirt. Only now I'm mixing two distinctly different B.O.s One was a Sunday walking about sweat. And todays was working and working out sweat. So now I'm sitting around in this my fave t-shirt and I smell like some fuckin animal over here. Barnyard or your yard?

I don't know much about physiology, but I am pretty sure I fucked up somehow.

To top it all off, Tom Arnold has been ignoring me all afternoon.

Alec's visit was good. We managed to have a wonderful tea party, replete with musical selections. We played scrabble with his lady friend. Alec lost by such a margin and I won by such a margin. Alec's lady almost overcame me pointswise, but I was pretty awesome. Alec didn't seem to understand how I could win. Well, like everything I do, dumb luck is involved.

Hope everyone is doing well. Ma wants me to visit for the Fourth. That should fill the blog out. Huh? Ma has been missing from this blog lately.

Jesus Christ.....

2008-06-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

Today has been a terrible day. Deebs stayed up late watching the Celtics win the NBA championship. Then, i woke up early because the blinds in my window are fucking paper thin--fuck this it's almost solstice. The sun, in all its infinite wisdom, is circling its closest to dear Deebs' head than it ever could. Yelling out the window "Sun! Are you kidding!" does nothing and I"m too fucking lazy to buy some curtains.

So I woke up at 6 am, felt like shit, got some work done. Then I had explosive diarrhea. So i came home. And here I am now. Why can't I just have a break? I just want one day without some personal peril. I want to relax the fuck into my life.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I just kiss the mirror.

Alec is visiting on Saturday with his girlfriend.

It's Happening...

2008-06-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

I'm reading the Executioner's Song right now. Alec says that it's "Expansive--just watch the T.L. Jones movie." And I"m like T.L.? And he goes "Tommy Lee." I says "Why can't you just say Tommy Lee Jones?" And he goes, "I refuse to say that pervert's name. Who do I look like?" I just say "You look like someone who married for some good puzzy." And he fucking hangs up on me. I call him back and then says "Listen it's good you're reading again. That Joseph Conrad phase back in September was such a cry for help." I hung up on him. I mean I read A LOT. I read poetry, I read the newspaper, I read scripts all the time. Then he calls again and says "Listen i know you read scripts. I'm going to hire you a reader. Some bullshit college credit kid." And I go "Alec, I don't work for NBC so I can't abuse privs of having a hit show." And he says, he say "OH YEAH. I FORGOT I HAD A HIT SHOW." So I hung up on him. I'm reading The Executioners Song. Tom Arnold says "You'll finish it in 2 weeks." Tom Arnold is always right. He even knows what colors I look good in.

It's been a very emotional couple weeks for me. I can't get into it, or rather I don't want to. And listen people, I only came out prObama now that Hills is out of the picture. I think she should be the Vice President. I agree with Anonymous about needing a woman in there to fix what cocks got started.

I'm pouring some champagne on the ground for Tim Russert, an all-star homey. You can all stop by and lap up at the puddle that's forming around my feet. Or stick your tits out waiting for overflow. I'm going to bed.

Or rather.... I'm going to lie in bed all night staring at the ceiling. I saw this real shit film tonight called "THE HAPPENING" and as you probably already know, Deebs (A.K.A. me) hates the thought of suicide. I can't even go to Time Square, as I consider it a form of hari kari. This movie was really tough to take for the ol Deebers. I'm an old man now and viewing suicide after suicide has turned the evening darker than the darkest hour. I'm deeply affected by violent art, violence, images of violence. I'm going to have nightmares. Wish me luck.

Love,
Deebs

I'm Endorsing a Candidate

2008-06-12T13:16:00.001-07:00

Father's Day on the Prowl

2008-06-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

I just mailed myself a father's day card. The real kids aren't going to do it. I'm still earning back trust after texting pictures of my Johnson to some hooker on celeb rehab. The kids aren't feeling it.

Anyway, so i'll bite another coffee soaked madeleine to stir up some more uncomfortable memories another day. For now, let's focus on the present.

Last night I saw a mother pushing her baby in a baby carriage. The baby was GRIPPING a picture of halle berry as if for dear life. It's funny how young kids start nowadays. The kid couldn't have been older than my kid. Plus Halle Berry? What? This baby like Halle's tits too? yeah we all want that buh buh but we can't have no can we?

SHIT.

2008-06-11T20:55:00.001-07:00

It might be years of doing coke but now i think Ryan's name is really Bryan. Shit. Is it true that years of doing coke makes it so miniscule bits of coke stay in your system? I heard that somewhere and then I told Dr. Drew and he didn't agree with me but ... he's not a real doctor and everyone knows that. He tells you how to get a hard on. I feel really fucking dumb now. Ry/Bry. Sorry bout that. I'm a fucking douchebag.

Shout Outs to Ryan

2008-06-11T16:46:00.001-07:00

I'm so fucking psyched that Ryan is alive. Buddy shoot me a line or comment or shit. I'd love to hear how you're holding up.

The thing is I have millions of stories from my old days.

There was this other time I was with Ryan and we decided to do schrooms. Ryan said they were safe regular mushrooms. The thing is, they were actually laced with PCP. I ended up watching Conan with Ryan. Ryan wanted to go outside. Then Ryan put on some fuckin G. Love and Special Sauce and I was fucking like "FUCK YOU BRO TURN THAT SHIT OFF" -- it was the devil.

And then G. Love went off and we just watched some frickin Conan. He was fucking interviewing Fabio (I can't believe it's not butter!) and was like surrounded by mini devils.

I told Ryan and he was like "I know."

Then I fell asleep and wished my Ma was with me to hold me.

Then Ryan fuckin kicked a hole in the wall he was so agitated.. He had a shit time explaining that to the super.

Kids: Don't ever do fuckin mushrooms. They'll fuck you up.

Hives, For Cryin Out Loud

2008-06-10T11:14:00.001-07:00

I have this pimple on the side of my face that I am worried is a hive. I really don't want hives.

So peeps, i can't respond to everyone's private messages. Please leave comments on this blog.

So shit Mariano reminded me of something that happened to us ages ago. i remember the night we met. I was in Chicago for a few days between movie shoots. I go to this bar where Mariano and his friends was watchin the Bulls game. that was in the wine and roses jordan days. Michael Jordan was being fucking awesome and seeing him move made all us guys horny as hell as well as get fuckin sloshed. i coudln't get enough. There was no women there. It was insane.

So everyone else is all "Ok time to go home." I had nuthin to do no where to go. And so I just say come on come on lets keep partying. Mariano is the only one who sticks around. He says I can come back to his place. We goes back there. He shows me his new potted plants and his roommate is like "I got a test tomorrow. Could yous guys shut the fuck up?" But what can i say he's a compelling dude. We snort coke off of the linoleum sink, off each others' balls, off the toilet bowl. Mariano called that the "Loop Da Loop." I don't know why we called it that but it was so fucking perfect at the time. Then we would go up to his roommate Ryan and rub our cheeks against his cheeks. I'd put my cheeck against his cheek and go "Ra! Ra! Ra!" and Mariano would put his cheek against his cheek and go "RYAN!" And then we would fall down laughing. It was the best night of my life. Then Ryan got pissed and said he was going to fail his exam and you made me leave, right? And then i stood outside and rang the doorbell for 4 hours until you called the cops.

Ryan's dead now right?

Yes, motherfuckers

2008-06-09T13:59:00.000-07:00

i told you I live here. Please continue to tell everyone that we are now housed here. Spread the word.

Also, Alec sent me this picture today. Seems he can't get enough of those DC gossip blogs. Fancies himself a future poly or something.....

So yeah if anyone finds old blogs please email them to deebs1960@gmail.com.

This Is How We Are Doing This Now

2008-06-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

Hi It's Deebs. The blog will now be housed here at blogger. I hope everyone enjoys the new digs. I hope things will work out for us here.

Love,
Deebs